Ok. Sorry it took so long but, I think the wait will be worth it, let me know what you guys think of this round.
It's been fun, thank you to everyone who participated, I hope you guys had fun with this as well.
Doug
Doug always loved the adventure of sailing. He hoped to one day be captain of his own ship, choose where it goes and how to outfit it. Doug worked his way up the hierarchy to the prestigious grade of…3rd junior lieutenant landscaper. He had been in the first officer's dining room, watering the hydrangeas when the first sounds of the unfolding disaster came though. After finding out he was locked in it took Doug 10 days to get the door unlocked…. And eat all the food. He also spent much of that time working up the nerve for what to do next. Besides his position on the ship Doug does care about the passengers, what few are left at least.
Doug gets ready to do what he must, he did manage to find the first officer's gold/black splash anno warp feed z grip automag RT with a full pod pack to boot. If he can pull this off he is sure Walz cruise lines will have to give him his own ship…or at least a promotion to 2nd junior lieutenant of landscaping. Maybe even private first class dishwasher! “Don't get ahead of yourself Doug!" He thinks to himself. There's a mission to accomplish first. Doug slowly opens the door, the coast is clear. Works his way through officer country, his first priority is to make sure someone on land knows what's going on. He makes his way towards the bridge, rounds a corner and OH CRAP! it's a zombie. It's the first officer! Doug snaps the first officer's marker up and let's it rip. 30bps of paralyzing fury is unleashed into it's previous owner, most of it impacting the first officer. The first officer slumps down like a pile of dirty cloths. Doug sees the bridge entrance, runs through the door and mows down the radio operator. A new pod in his hopper he makes his way around to the various controls. Unsure of which one is which he sees a radio and clicks it on, “help! SOS! Mayday! Anyone! This is the SS Walz we need immediate assistance with a…umm, situation” the radio is silent for a moment then crackles to life. " Yes hello! We read you SS Walz, this is the Navy ship USS Painthappy ’s ban hammer what is your location? Over” Doug, suddenly feeling inadequate in the situation replies, " paint Happy's banhammer this is…ummm.. Acting captain…Doug Windinpants. We are located…. In the waters…. Near….” Doug looks around, not seeing any landmarks and suddenly realizing he has no idea where the SS Walz was even going. “No worries SS Walz, we have you on radar, vectoring towards your location. Over"
Doug hears footsteps, he realizes he may have made too much noise, he comes around the radio console and posts up, ready for whatever comes through the door.
The remaining non-zombie passengers of the SS Walz all hear the intercom system come to life. “Hey! Hey! Anyone out there, this is acting Captain…Doug. There appears to be one…CRAP! Pakpakpakpak, there's one escape pod but it pakpakpakpak it's entrance is in the Titanic lounge, pakpakpakpak piano and pakpakPAKPAKPAK” everyone hears it. Doug is now dry firing. " NO! I….CRAP CRAP" the intercom screeches, there's some yelling and growling but it mercifully goes quiet after a bit.
Acting Captain Doug may not have been able to tell a rudder from a smoke stack but he pointed everyone remaining in the right direction, everyone is now headed for the titanic lounge.
Semifinals
1. martix_agent martix_agent ma-deuce-a (MA)
MA waits…and waits…waits a little more…you would think that the prestigious sailing ship the SS Walz would have some faster elevators but apparently not. “Never gunna give you up, never gunna let you down…” MA sings along under his breath to the elevator music *ding* " AHHHHHH! “ MA yells a war cry as he bolts out of the elevator, driving for cover he throws paint down range. Zombies are throwing themselves at him. Cdn_Cuda flies over his head, MA plasters a few on him. NONOBLITUS is sprinting up fast as MA reloads but not fast enough as MA unloads on him as well. It seems the zombies are not picky about who they bite. Conscious or not. The zombie virus even seems to allow the paintballs paralytics to wear off if given enough time. This is basically a worst case scenario. JeepDVLZ45 and XEMON
come around a corner, both throwing balls at MA from the children's playground. MA thinks fast and acts even faster, he has to dodge, duck, dip, dive…and dodge to avoid them. He bounces up and puts a solid stream into both of them dropping them like they were hot.
Finally, the room is empty. It looks like it's, well a massive tattoo studio. Odd. *PAK PAK PAK* MA drops as soon as he heard the first shot and it's a good thing he did because he is pretty sure he felt it skim the hair on his head. A gravely voice calls out to MA. “You doubted." *Pak Pak Pak* " non believers are PUNISHED!” *Pak Pak Pak*. MA is confused. The sound signature of this marker is very unique. He swears he has heard it before, many years ago. He dashes for cover behind a tattoo chair, a string of shots follow him and he catches a glance, not of who is wielding it but the marker itself. His heart skips a beat as ice runs through his veins. It's a Smignan2850x which means there can only be one person holding it. The legendary Clark Smigman himself. " Canvas!” Clark yells at MA. " I shall paint you like a Van Gogh! And call it " essence of a non believer”" MA is speechless, all these years he believed Clark was made up. Nobody has heard of him and he was such a reclusive welder that he didn't even have a phone or email to contact him. The Smigman2850x was spoken of as a myth, it was said to be a little heavier than most markers but offered an array of advantages such as lighter weight. MA fires off a steam as he moves to a counter for better cover and ducks behind just as an answering stream plasters the wall behind him. MA looks up and realizes that Clark has painted a rendering of the Mona Lisa on the wall behind him except she is wearing a JT proflex. “Thou shall not suffer a canvas to be blank!” Clark yells at MA. “Too true!" MA yells back as he pops up and fires a string towards Clark. One impacts! But MA realizes he managed to hit a pod that Clark has just finished dumping in his hopper. He moves to the other end of the counter, pops up and fires again, but Clark is gone! MA lost track of him! He aims down the counter, *paaaaaaaaak*. MA collapses, there's a perfect rendering of Van Gouh’s starry night now plastered on his back except the stars are paintballs. MA realizes he looked the wrong way down the counter. Clark comes over, tattoo gun in hand and signs his name on his latest completed canvas on MAs neck so he will never again doubt who makes the best paintball marker out there.
And yes martix, I was waiting for you to roll out just so I could write this story
(For anyone who wants the backstory here, give this a read https://www.paintballforum.com/threads/lol-wut.173370/)
7. Jonnydread Jonnydread (JD) phantom
JD rounds a corner…slowly, and not by choice. His AMPM feast is coming back to haunt him but man was it good. He shuffles down the hall, there's someone ahead! A zombie and facing away from him. It's eating…something. Ugh, eating, just the thought makes JD feel more sick. He lines up his shot, *pak* he misses! The zombie spins around, it's Super Nova
! SuperNova spits out the smoked salmon he was eating and screams at JD. JD pumps his phantom, Super Nova throws a small batch craft IPA bottle at JD. JD fires just as the bottle hits little JD. Super Nova collapses and slides to a stop at the same time JD hits the ground. JD pukes…and pukes again. Wiping his mouth he…pukes again. JD hears footsteps. That hipster super Nova screamed and attracted more zombies! What a jerk! JD doesn't have time for this! He knows roughly where the titanic lounge is and he knows he has to be close. Up ahead, an intersection
Jimmydee is there! JD looks for cover but there is none. He brings up his phantom and starts pumping like a jackhammer. He ends up putting 6 balls on him before he hits the ground. Feeling slightly better without the brick that was the am/pm meal in his stomach JD heads down the passageway, finds the escalator down and turns around to see Myrkul chasing him! He sprints and jumps onto the middle section of the escalator, as he slides down he turns around and takes aim, fires once, misses, twice, misses again! Myrkul is now sliding down after him! Third shot hits Myrkul right in the trouser snake. JD winces, still sliding down he turns back around to find his worst nightmare…the emergency stop button directly in his path. JD slams into it crotch first and as the world around him flashes into the searing white pain JD thinks he could not have hit the button more square on. Beyond the pain though something is bothering him though. He can't really think straight but then it hits him…from behind and plows him once again into the emergency stop button. He forgot that Myrkul had followed him down the slide. JD leans over and pukes…twice. He rolls off of the worst slide he has ever been down. Trying to collect himself and…himself he wishes he has an icepack the size of a beanbag chair. No rest for the wicked however as he hears more footsteps! redsquirrel comes out of nowhere. JD is no longer messing around. Still on the ground he takes aim, redsquirrel drops mostly from the pain of taking a direct shot to his skin flute. Another customer! MrBarraclough takes two shots straight to the baked beans and drops hard on the floor.
JD reloads, not sure how much more of this he can take. Not sure he is up for walking, he crawls around the corner. He sees it, the titanic lounge. He has made it!
Semifinals (high roll wins)
1. martix_agent ma-deuce-a
Roll 6
7. Jonnydread phantom
Roll 7
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8. The Hobbit The Hobbit (TH)
13. morpheus morpheus (MP)
MP working his way through the halls methodically. Only half noticing room names and colors around him, he gets to the end of one hall and freezes, his brain finally catching up with everything he just saw. The name of the last room, the one before it and probably the entire hallway was “bad wolf". Unsure if there are any more weeping Angels chasing him, Daleks or worse, the silence, MP begins to sprint. Rounding a corner he smashes into cellophane. Both go sprawling, the magazine from MP’s T15 coming out and bouncing off the wall. MP knows there is still one in the breach though, but his marker is too far! Cellophane is on top of him. Out of instinct MP picked up the magazine and it's now the world's smallest shield but hey, if it works it works he thinks as he jams it in cellophane’s mouth to prevent him from biting. As they struggle on the floor, MP holding the magazine in CPs mouth he has a crazy idea. First he pops one FSR out of the magazine, then twists the magazine sideways so it's propping CPs mouth open even more. Seeing his chance he slides the FSR past the magazine and into MPs mouth he then yanks the magazine out and there is a loud clap as CPs teeth clamp shut bursting the FSR. CP collapses on MP. MP just sits there for a moment, enjoying the warmth of another body. Even if it is an unconscious zombie. Time to go! MP gets up and finds the bank of glass elevators he was looking for.
TH is slinging paint like a madman. Hindsight is 20/20 and using a bright pink go kart to travel the length of the ship to get to the elevators was probably not the stealthiest decision. Marker on ramping he is dropping wave after wave of zombies. TH glances up just in time to see Impactfour on a zip line overhead drop off. TH aims up and puts a full stream in his path then has to dodge to the side as the unconscious zombie lands where he was. Dumping a pod in he barely gets his ion up in time to catch EvilCreature before he can sink his teeth into TH. TH glances behind him and sees his goal! The elevators! He makes a break for it, hammering his feet into the ground again and again, closing in. He dashes inside and smashes the door closed button. The doors start to close but a hand grabs them! TH puts 3 paintballs into the zombie. Pushes the door close button again, they are closing! Halfway and a foot catches the door! TH stitches a line up the leg and kicks it out. Pushes the door close button AGAIN. finally they are…a hand reaches in at the last second! It's BrickHaus! His arm waving around as the doors were almost closed and now won't reopen. The elevator starts to descend, BrickHaus arm starts to go up the door. TH aims at it and puts two balls on it. Then turns around and hears a wet crunch behind him. LOOK OUT! TH spots MP! Marker up here fires! The paintball splatters harmlessly on the inside of the glass elevator. MP is in a separate elevator car on the opposite side of the elevator back. TH looks at his car and realizes there's also a paintball splatter on the inside of his car as well. They both stare at each other as the most awkward standoff in history commences, Celine Dion’s “my heart will go on" is playing in both cars, fittingly as they are both headed towards the titanic lounge.
The doors both open, MP goes right, TH goes right, they sprint…. Around the elevators, each trying to catch the other. One minute, two, five. They both slow down, finally stopping. They can see each other through the open doors of the elevator cars. Each panting with hands on their knees. MP holds up a finger to TH saying “just a minute". TH just nods agreeing and they both take a minute to catch their breath. Finally, able to breath again, TH points to his right, MPs left and MP agrees. As they both make their way around the elevators, they are each wary of exactly the moment when they will be able to have a clear shot.
*BANG* a stairwell door busts open! SETHZILLA! bolts out! Both TH and MP start throwing paint, it's not just Sethzilla but a wave of zombies coming from the stairwell! TH drops 3 zombies, MP drops 4. SZ has worked his way closer to MP. MP slams a new magazine in and puts a FSR right in SZs chest. Both MP and TH are retreating around the elevators. djeclypse comes after TH! He is within five feet but TH manages to get his ion up and plasters DJ in the armpit of all places. chplnstone is closing in on MP! He swats at the T15, gets the barrel to the side! MP is knocked off balance and trips over his unfortunately mistimed untied shoelace! CS jumps on top of him and sinks his teeth into MPs back! MP goes stiff and his eyes roll back just in time for TH to come around the elevator back and put a solid stream into both CS and MP.
TH comes into the titanic lounge, just in time to see…
##############
8. The Hobbit The Hobbit ion
Roll 5
13. morpheus T15
roll 2
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Jonnydread
The Hobbit
JD doesn't have time to admire the fine craftsmanship that is the titanic lounge. He knows the entrance to the last escape pod is here somewhere but so far, no luck finding it. He sits at the piano, taking a moment to think. His hands grace the keys, his memories go back to Suzy Sunkiss, “the one that got away" in JDs life. Those beautiful piano lessons and how she always insisted JD play her favorite song…the jaws soundtrack. As his fingers alternate the E and F keys he is suddenly pulled away from the piano. The bench and piano are pulling apart. He looks down, there's a slide…A SLIDE! the bench tilts forward and as JD drops down the slide he catches sight of TH rounding the corner into the titanic lounge.
TH realizes all those practice sessions and races at his local McDonald's play place to become the “west slide kid" had not gone to waste. He dives into the slide and races after JD. Left, right, down, spiral and then left just before kicking him out. TH flies out of the slide, marker at the ready but JD is nowhere to be seen. TH catches some movement across the room! It's JD coming out of a different slide. It seems the slide system was designed to exit passengers in a sequence so that everyone would be close to an escape pod had they all still been there. TH scans the starboard wall to his right, there it is! Roughly in the middle between TH and JD, one illuminated light indicating pod 68 is still there!
JD tumbles out of the slide, moves to the side and listens. No sounds come from the slide. This room must be some kind of overflow storage? Corrugated tubes, small structures and a decent chunk of inflated bunkers are thrown around the room. Looks like it's all the leftovers from the various paintball fields on board. JD sees the illuminated escape pod on the starboard wall, to his left but just before he heads for it he sees movement, the port wall, to his right has another slide exit.
MrKittyCatMeowFace(MC) still feels he is missing something. As he exits the slide though his instincts kick in, muscle memory takes over, he is clearly on a paintball field. The one coherent thought that comes through his head is “have to find the flag". The other team is coming towards him! One on the left and one on the right. MC dives into the snake and as fast as lightning gets about halfway down it before he finds a knuckle with some paint flying past it.
TH pins down the zombie in the snake and has to alternate between it and throwing paint at JD. JD is methodical, working his way from Bunker to structure to tube and throwing a few shots here and there. MC springs from the snake, heading towards mid field. JD lines up a shot and let's it fly, it catches the tattered remains of MCs shirt but doesn't break! The one thing the shot does do however is make MC realize where JD is. MC angles away from him a bit and ends up on TH’s side of the large W inflatable structure at center field. TH comes through a structure ripping a string from his ion, he saw where the zombie MC went but doesn't have a clear shot on him because of a temple in the way. He can however hit both sides of the large W and pin MC in place as he approaches the temple. Left. Right, left again, there's nowhere for MC to go as TH comes up on the temple.
JD is approaching mid field, there's a flurry of shots just on the other side of the center field W, right where he saw MC go. The center W wobbles and he realizes what's going on on the other side. “Fortune favors the bold" he thinks as he takes off at a dead sprint towards the bunker.
TH is still streaming paint left and right, he dumps a fresh pod in, keeping the pressure up just as he comes around the temple. His brain has just enough time to think “well that's odd" as the zombie MC appears to be flying his foot just coming into THs stream of paint before MC collides with TH, sinking his teeth into THs neck as they both topple over. As the zombie virus enters his body and MC succumbs to the paralyzing paintballs, TH looks over. The center field W is on its side and JD is picking himself up. JD didn't go around the bunker, he slammed into it and with MC pressed up against the other side it catapulted MC straight into TH. With one final single finger salute to JD, TH falls unconscious.
*pak…click clack…pak*
“Can't be too careful” thinks JD. He spins around, the SS Walz is oddly peaceful…for a few seconds. Then JD hears the sounds of other zombies in the distance. He enjoys walking slowly to escape pod 68, dropping his phantom on the way. He has run out of paint anyway and he feels it's a fitting end to send something of himself off with the ship. plucking an ice cold beer out of the mini fridge on his way into the pod he sits at the control panel, cracks the beer, and pushes the launch button.
$$$$$$$$$$$$
Finals
Jonnydread phantom
Roll 10
The Hobbit ion
Roll 5
Jonnydread wins
##################
Master Sergeant Jonathan Brown
Corporal Capeman
As the USS painthappy's ban hammer came alongside the SS Walz the crew thought it odd that the radio calls had gone unanswered. Master Sergeant Jonathan Brown was the first to board, a thundering *PAK* announced his arrival as his ariakron overlord put a paralyzing paintball on the first zombie he saw from 150feet away. “Corporal capeman get up here" as the corporal enters the ship he sighs. “Again? Really?" “Seems that way" replies Master Sergeant Jonathan Brown. " You would think they would learn, we required these systems for a reason” Master Sergeant Jonathan Brown reaches over and opens an emergency panel. *PAK* another zombie drops. The master sergeant enters a few commands into the computer within the panel and a green *emergency ship cleanse* illuminates. The air handling system switches to a high flow rate and deep in the bowels of the ship little thought of equipment stirs to life. Soon a blue mist is flowing out of all of the ship's air ducts. It takes almost an hour but everyone who was still a zombie, which at this point was everyone as the zombie virus seems to have had some amazing regrowth properties that will later be studied at area 68, area 51s little known secret cousin, appears to be back to themselves. Well mostly, the engineer Scottie is back to whole except he has two left feet.
“Corporal how does it look?" Askes Master Sergeant Jonathan Brown. " Well sir, there is some damage to the ship and the paralyzing paint rounds still need to be cleaned off of a lot of the surfaces but almost everything appears to be in order once all the escape pods are rounded up” " almost?” Asks the master sergeant not missing the statement. “Ahh, yes sir, our sonar found it first and then it was recovered by our divers but it appears that escape pod 68 was found on the ocean floor. The ships logs say that it was not launched when the rest of the pods were launched with the automatic sequence initiated. It was launched manually later but the single occupant was apparently unaware that the reason it did not launch…well, was because the rear door was never installed. The system prevented it from launching automatically but the manual system overrode that and launched it anyway. Our crews recovered the body sir, he appears to be the only one who was not affected by the zombie virus”. Master Sergeant Jonathan Brown thought for a moment, “so corporal you are telling me that one individual fought through a ship full of zombies, using his intellect, bravery and courage the whole way and then failed to notice that a submersible escape pod was missing a door?" “It does appear that way sir" replied the corporal.
“Well, I guess I have now seen everything," said Inspector gadget.
Fin
Congrats Jonnydread shoot me a pm after you read this
It's been fun, thank you to everyone who participated, I hope you guys had fun with this as well.
Doug
Doug always loved the adventure of sailing. He hoped to one day be captain of his own ship, choose where it goes and how to outfit it. Doug worked his way up the hierarchy to the prestigious grade of…3rd junior lieutenant landscaper. He had been in the first officer's dining room, watering the hydrangeas when the first sounds of the unfolding disaster came though. After finding out he was locked in it took Doug 10 days to get the door unlocked…. And eat all the food. He also spent much of that time working up the nerve for what to do next. Besides his position on the ship Doug does care about the passengers, what few are left at least.
Doug gets ready to do what he must, he did manage to find the first officer's gold/black splash anno warp feed z grip automag RT with a full pod pack to boot. If he can pull this off he is sure Walz cruise lines will have to give him his own ship…or at least a promotion to 2nd junior lieutenant of landscaping. Maybe even private first class dishwasher! “Don't get ahead of yourself Doug!" He thinks to himself. There's a mission to accomplish first. Doug slowly opens the door, the coast is clear. Works his way through officer country, his first priority is to make sure someone on land knows what's going on. He makes his way towards the bridge, rounds a corner and OH CRAP! it's a zombie. It's the first officer! Doug snaps the first officer's marker up and let's it rip. 30bps of paralyzing fury is unleashed into it's previous owner, most of it impacting the first officer. The first officer slumps down like a pile of dirty cloths. Doug sees the bridge entrance, runs through the door and mows down the radio operator. A new pod in his hopper he makes his way around to the various controls. Unsure of which one is which he sees a radio and clicks it on, “help! SOS! Mayday! Anyone! This is the SS Walz we need immediate assistance with a…umm, situation” the radio is silent for a moment then crackles to life. " Yes hello! We read you SS Walz, this is the Navy ship USS Painthappy ’s ban hammer what is your location? Over” Doug, suddenly feeling inadequate in the situation replies, " paint Happy's banhammer this is…ummm.. Acting captain…Doug Windinpants. We are located…. In the waters…. Near….” Doug looks around, not seeing any landmarks and suddenly realizing he has no idea where the SS Walz was even going. “No worries SS Walz, we have you on radar, vectoring towards your location. Over"
Doug hears footsteps, he realizes he may have made too much noise, he comes around the radio console and posts up, ready for whatever comes through the door.
The remaining non-zombie passengers of the SS Walz all hear the intercom system come to life. “Hey! Hey! Anyone out there, this is acting Captain…Doug. There appears to be one…CRAP! Pakpakpakpak, there's one escape pod but it pakpakpakpak it's entrance is in the Titanic lounge, pakpakpakpak piano and pakpakPAKPAKPAK” everyone hears it. Doug is now dry firing. " NO! I….CRAP CRAP" the intercom screeches, there's some yelling and growling but it mercifully goes quiet after a bit.
Acting Captain Doug may not have been able to tell a rudder from a smoke stack but he pointed everyone remaining in the right direction, everyone is now headed for the titanic lounge.
Semifinals
1. martix_agent martix_agent ma-deuce-a (MA)
MA waits…and waits…waits a little more…you would think that the prestigious sailing ship the SS Walz would have some faster elevators but apparently not. “Never gunna give you up, never gunna let you down…” MA sings along under his breath to the elevator music *ding* " AHHHHHH! “ MA yells a war cry as he bolts out of the elevator, driving for cover he throws paint down range. Zombies are throwing themselves at him. Cdn_Cuda flies over his head, MA plasters a few on him. NONOBLITUS is sprinting up fast as MA reloads but not fast enough as MA unloads on him as well. It seems the zombies are not picky about who they bite. Conscious or not. The zombie virus even seems to allow the paintballs paralytics to wear off if given enough time. This is basically a worst case scenario. JeepDVLZ45 and XEMON
come around a corner, both throwing balls at MA from the children's playground. MA thinks fast and acts even faster, he has to dodge, duck, dip, dive…and dodge to avoid them. He bounces up and puts a solid stream into both of them dropping them like they were hot.
Finally, the room is empty. It looks like it's, well a massive tattoo studio. Odd. *PAK PAK PAK* MA drops as soon as he heard the first shot and it's a good thing he did because he is pretty sure he felt it skim the hair on his head. A gravely voice calls out to MA. “You doubted." *Pak Pak Pak* " non believers are PUNISHED!” *Pak Pak Pak*. MA is confused. The sound signature of this marker is very unique. He swears he has heard it before, many years ago. He dashes for cover behind a tattoo chair, a string of shots follow him and he catches a glance, not of who is wielding it but the marker itself. His heart skips a beat as ice runs through his veins. It's a Smignan2850x which means there can only be one person holding it. The legendary Clark Smigman himself. " Canvas!” Clark yells at MA. " I shall paint you like a Van Gogh! And call it " essence of a non believer”" MA is speechless, all these years he believed Clark was made up. Nobody has heard of him and he was such a reclusive welder that he didn't even have a phone or email to contact him. The Smigman2850x was spoken of as a myth, it was said to be a little heavier than most markers but offered an array of advantages such as lighter weight. MA fires off a steam as he moves to a counter for better cover and ducks behind just as an answering stream plasters the wall behind him. MA looks up and realizes that Clark has painted a rendering of the Mona Lisa on the wall behind him except she is wearing a JT proflex. “Thou shall not suffer a canvas to be blank!” Clark yells at MA. “Too true!" MA yells back as he pops up and fires a string towards Clark. One impacts! But MA realizes he managed to hit a pod that Clark has just finished dumping in his hopper. He moves to the other end of the counter, pops up and fires again, but Clark is gone! MA lost track of him! He aims down the counter, *paaaaaaaaak*. MA collapses, there's a perfect rendering of Van Gouh’s starry night now plastered on his back except the stars are paintballs. MA realizes he looked the wrong way down the counter. Clark comes over, tattoo gun in hand and signs his name on his latest completed canvas on MAs neck so he will never again doubt who makes the best paintball marker out there.
And yes martix, I was waiting for you to roll out just so I could write this story
(For anyone who wants the backstory here, give this a read https://www.paintballforum.com/threads/lol-wut.173370/)
7. Jonnydread Jonnydread (JD) phantom
JD rounds a corner…slowly, and not by choice. His AMPM feast is coming back to haunt him but man was it good. He shuffles down the hall, there's someone ahead! A zombie and facing away from him. It's eating…something. Ugh, eating, just the thought makes JD feel more sick. He lines up his shot, *pak* he misses! The zombie spins around, it's Super Nova
! SuperNova spits out the smoked salmon he was eating and screams at JD. JD pumps his phantom, Super Nova throws a small batch craft IPA bottle at JD. JD fires just as the bottle hits little JD. Super Nova collapses and slides to a stop at the same time JD hits the ground. JD pukes…and pukes again. Wiping his mouth he…pukes again. JD hears footsteps. That hipster super Nova screamed and attracted more zombies! What a jerk! JD doesn't have time for this! He knows roughly where the titanic lounge is and he knows he has to be close. Up ahead, an intersection
Jimmydee is there! JD looks for cover but there is none. He brings up his phantom and starts pumping like a jackhammer. He ends up putting 6 balls on him before he hits the ground. Feeling slightly better without the brick that was the am/pm meal in his stomach JD heads down the passageway, finds the escalator down and turns around to see Myrkul chasing him! He sprints and jumps onto the middle section of the escalator, as he slides down he turns around and takes aim, fires once, misses, twice, misses again! Myrkul is now sliding down after him! Third shot hits Myrkul right in the trouser snake. JD winces, still sliding down he turns back around to find his worst nightmare…the emergency stop button directly in his path. JD slams into it crotch first and as the world around him flashes into the searing white pain JD thinks he could not have hit the button more square on. Beyond the pain though something is bothering him though. He can't really think straight but then it hits him…from behind and plows him once again into the emergency stop button. He forgot that Myrkul had followed him down the slide. JD leans over and pukes…twice. He rolls off of the worst slide he has ever been down. Trying to collect himself and…himself he wishes he has an icepack the size of a beanbag chair. No rest for the wicked however as he hears more footsteps! redsquirrel comes out of nowhere. JD is no longer messing around. Still on the ground he takes aim, redsquirrel drops mostly from the pain of taking a direct shot to his skin flute. Another customer! MrBarraclough takes two shots straight to the baked beans and drops hard on the floor.
JD reloads, not sure how much more of this he can take. Not sure he is up for walking, he crawls around the corner. He sees it, the titanic lounge. He has made it!
Semifinals (high roll wins)
1. martix_agent ma-deuce-a
Roll 6
7. Jonnydread phantom
Roll 7
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8. The Hobbit The Hobbit (TH)
13. morpheus morpheus (MP)
MP working his way through the halls methodically. Only half noticing room names and colors around him, he gets to the end of one hall and freezes, his brain finally catching up with everything he just saw. The name of the last room, the one before it and probably the entire hallway was “bad wolf". Unsure if there are any more weeping Angels chasing him, Daleks or worse, the silence, MP begins to sprint. Rounding a corner he smashes into cellophane. Both go sprawling, the magazine from MP’s T15 coming out and bouncing off the wall. MP knows there is still one in the breach though, but his marker is too far! Cellophane is on top of him. Out of instinct MP picked up the magazine and it's now the world's smallest shield but hey, if it works it works he thinks as he jams it in cellophane’s mouth to prevent him from biting. As they struggle on the floor, MP holding the magazine in CPs mouth he has a crazy idea. First he pops one FSR out of the magazine, then twists the magazine sideways so it's propping CPs mouth open even more. Seeing his chance he slides the FSR past the magazine and into MPs mouth he then yanks the magazine out and there is a loud clap as CPs teeth clamp shut bursting the FSR. CP collapses on MP. MP just sits there for a moment, enjoying the warmth of another body. Even if it is an unconscious zombie. Time to go! MP gets up and finds the bank of glass elevators he was looking for.
TH is slinging paint like a madman. Hindsight is 20/20 and using a bright pink go kart to travel the length of the ship to get to the elevators was probably not the stealthiest decision. Marker on ramping he is dropping wave after wave of zombies. TH glances up just in time to see Impactfour on a zip line overhead drop off. TH aims up and puts a full stream in his path then has to dodge to the side as the unconscious zombie lands where he was. Dumping a pod in he barely gets his ion up in time to catch EvilCreature before he can sink his teeth into TH. TH glances behind him and sees his goal! The elevators! He makes a break for it, hammering his feet into the ground again and again, closing in. He dashes inside and smashes the door closed button. The doors start to close but a hand grabs them! TH puts 3 paintballs into the zombie. Pushes the door close button again, they are closing! Halfway and a foot catches the door! TH stitches a line up the leg and kicks it out. Pushes the door close button AGAIN. finally they are…a hand reaches in at the last second! It's BrickHaus! His arm waving around as the doors were almost closed and now won't reopen. The elevator starts to descend, BrickHaus arm starts to go up the door. TH aims at it and puts two balls on it. Then turns around and hears a wet crunch behind him. LOOK OUT! TH spots MP! Marker up here fires! The paintball splatters harmlessly on the inside of the glass elevator. MP is in a separate elevator car on the opposite side of the elevator back. TH looks at his car and realizes there's also a paintball splatter on the inside of his car as well. They both stare at each other as the most awkward standoff in history commences, Celine Dion’s “my heart will go on" is playing in both cars, fittingly as they are both headed towards the titanic lounge.
The doors both open, MP goes right, TH goes right, they sprint…. Around the elevators, each trying to catch the other. One minute, two, five. They both slow down, finally stopping. They can see each other through the open doors of the elevator cars. Each panting with hands on their knees. MP holds up a finger to TH saying “just a minute". TH just nods agreeing and they both take a minute to catch their breath. Finally, able to breath again, TH points to his right, MPs left and MP agrees. As they both make their way around the elevators, they are each wary of exactly the moment when they will be able to have a clear shot.
*BANG* a stairwell door busts open! SETHZILLA! bolts out! Both TH and MP start throwing paint, it's not just Sethzilla but a wave of zombies coming from the stairwell! TH drops 3 zombies, MP drops 4. SZ has worked his way closer to MP. MP slams a new magazine in and puts a FSR right in SZs chest. Both MP and TH are retreating around the elevators. djeclypse comes after TH! He is within five feet but TH manages to get his ion up and plasters DJ in the armpit of all places. chplnstone is closing in on MP! He swats at the T15, gets the barrel to the side! MP is knocked off balance and trips over his unfortunately mistimed untied shoelace! CS jumps on top of him and sinks his teeth into MPs back! MP goes stiff and his eyes roll back just in time for TH to come around the elevator back and put a solid stream into both CS and MP.
TH comes into the titanic lounge, just in time to see…
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8. The Hobbit The Hobbit ion
Roll 5
13. morpheus T15
roll 2
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Jonnydread
The Hobbit
JD doesn't have time to admire the fine craftsmanship that is the titanic lounge. He knows the entrance to the last escape pod is here somewhere but so far, no luck finding it. He sits at the piano, taking a moment to think. His hands grace the keys, his memories go back to Suzy Sunkiss, “the one that got away" in JDs life. Those beautiful piano lessons and how she always insisted JD play her favorite song…the jaws soundtrack. As his fingers alternate the E and F keys he is suddenly pulled away from the piano. The bench and piano are pulling apart. He looks down, there's a slide…A SLIDE! the bench tilts forward and as JD drops down the slide he catches sight of TH rounding the corner into the titanic lounge.
TH realizes all those practice sessions and races at his local McDonald's play place to become the “west slide kid" had not gone to waste. He dives into the slide and races after JD. Left, right, down, spiral and then left just before kicking him out. TH flies out of the slide, marker at the ready but JD is nowhere to be seen. TH catches some movement across the room! It's JD coming out of a different slide. It seems the slide system was designed to exit passengers in a sequence so that everyone would be close to an escape pod had they all still been there. TH scans the starboard wall to his right, there it is! Roughly in the middle between TH and JD, one illuminated light indicating pod 68 is still there!
JD tumbles out of the slide, moves to the side and listens. No sounds come from the slide. This room must be some kind of overflow storage? Corrugated tubes, small structures and a decent chunk of inflated bunkers are thrown around the room. Looks like it's all the leftovers from the various paintball fields on board. JD sees the illuminated escape pod on the starboard wall, to his left but just before he heads for it he sees movement, the port wall, to his right has another slide exit.
MrKittyCatMeowFace(MC) still feels he is missing something. As he exits the slide though his instincts kick in, muscle memory takes over, he is clearly on a paintball field. The one coherent thought that comes through his head is “have to find the flag". The other team is coming towards him! One on the left and one on the right. MC dives into the snake and as fast as lightning gets about halfway down it before he finds a knuckle with some paint flying past it.
TH pins down the zombie in the snake and has to alternate between it and throwing paint at JD. JD is methodical, working his way from Bunker to structure to tube and throwing a few shots here and there. MC springs from the snake, heading towards mid field. JD lines up a shot and let's it fly, it catches the tattered remains of MCs shirt but doesn't break! The one thing the shot does do however is make MC realize where JD is. MC angles away from him a bit and ends up on TH’s side of the large W inflatable structure at center field. TH comes through a structure ripping a string from his ion, he saw where the zombie MC went but doesn't have a clear shot on him because of a temple in the way. He can however hit both sides of the large W and pin MC in place as he approaches the temple. Left. Right, left again, there's nowhere for MC to go as TH comes up on the temple.
JD is approaching mid field, there's a flurry of shots just on the other side of the center field W, right where he saw MC go. The center W wobbles and he realizes what's going on on the other side. “Fortune favors the bold" he thinks as he takes off at a dead sprint towards the bunker.
TH is still streaming paint left and right, he dumps a fresh pod in, keeping the pressure up just as he comes around the temple. His brain has just enough time to think “well that's odd" as the zombie MC appears to be flying his foot just coming into THs stream of paint before MC collides with TH, sinking his teeth into THs neck as they both topple over. As the zombie virus enters his body and MC succumbs to the paralyzing paintballs, TH looks over. The center field W is on its side and JD is picking himself up. JD didn't go around the bunker, he slammed into it and with MC pressed up against the other side it catapulted MC straight into TH. With one final single finger salute to JD, TH falls unconscious.
*pak…click clack…pak*
“Can't be too careful” thinks JD. He spins around, the SS Walz is oddly peaceful…for a few seconds. Then JD hears the sounds of other zombies in the distance. He enjoys walking slowly to escape pod 68, dropping his phantom on the way. He has run out of paint anyway and he feels it's a fitting end to send something of himself off with the ship. plucking an ice cold beer out of the mini fridge on his way into the pod he sits at the control panel, cracks the beer, and pushes the launch button.
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Finals
Jonnydread phantom
Roll 10
The Hobbit ion
Roll 5
Jonnydread wins
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Master Sergeant Jonathan Brown
Corporal Capeman
As the USS painthappy's ban hammer came alongside the SS Walz the crew thought it odd that the radio calls had gone unanswered. Master Sergeant Jonathan Brown was the first to board, a thundering *PAK* announced his arrival as his ariakron overlord put a paralyzing paintball on the first zombie he saw from 150feet away. “Corporal capeman get up here" as the corporal enters the ship he sighs. “Again? Really?" “Seems that way" replies Master Sergeant Jonathan Brown. " You would think they would learn, we required these systems for a reason” Master Sergeant Jonathan Brown reaches over and opens an emergency panel. *PAK* another zombie drops. The master sergeant enters a few commands into the computer within the panel and a green *emergency ship cleanse* illuminates. The air handling system switches to a high flow rate and deep in the bowels of the ship little thought of equipment stirs to life. Soon a blue mist is flowing out of all of the ship's air ducts. It takes almost an hour but everyone who was still a zombie, which at this point was everyone as the zombie virus seems to have had some amazing regrowth properties that will later be studied at area 68, area 51s little known secret cousin, appears to be back to themselves. Well mostly, the engineer Scottie is back to whole except he has two left feet.
“Corporal how does it look?" Askes Master Sergeant Jonathan Brown. " Well sir, there is some damage to the ship and the paralyzing paint rounds still need to be cleaned off of a lot of the surfaces but almost everything appears to be in order once all the escape pods are rounded up” " almost?” Asks the master sergeant not missing the statement. “Ahh, yes sir, our sonar found it first and then it was recovered by our divers but it appears that escape pod 68 was found on the ocean floor. The ships logs say that it was not launched when the rest of the pods were launched with the automatic sequence initiated. It was launched manually later but the single occupant was apparently unaware that the reason it did not launch…well, was because the rear door was never installed. The system prevented it from launching automatically but the manual system overrode that and launched it anyway. Our crews recovered the body sir, he appears to be the only one who was not affected by the zombie virus”. Master Sergeant Jonathan Brown thought for a moment, “so corporal you are telling me that one individual fought through a ship full of zombies, using his intellect, bravery and courage the whole way and then failed to notice that a submersible escape pod was missing a door?" “It does appear that way sir" replied the corporal.
“Well, I guess I have now seen everything," said Inspector gadget.
Fin
Congrats Jonnydread shoot me a pm after you read this
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