A pun is its own reword

[flyweightnate]

What the difference between a piano, a tuna, and a pot of glue? You can tune a piano, but you can't piano a tune.

[scottieb]

Sounds like you got stuck on the last one.

[scottieb]

I told my doctor there's a problem with my ear.
He said "Are you sure?"
I said "I'm definite."

[redsquirrel]

From the captain of the plane I’m on:
”This should all come together soon and we’ll be on our way, because I always love when a plane comes together.”

[acrewofone]

Most bald men still own a comb, they just can't part with it.

I was out jogging and some guy threw a jar of Mayonnaise at me, I yelled "what the Hellman?"

If you experience great pain every time you pass through a doorway, you're probably forgetting to open the doors.

Could you outrun a Tyrannosaurus Rex? Of course you could, cause they're extinct.

[flyweightnate]

I thought I saw an eye doctor in Alaska yesterday But it was only an optical Aleutian

[acrewofone]

What the difference between a piano, a tuna, and a pot of glue? You can tune a piano, but you can't piano a tuna.

We are supposed to ask "what about the pot of glue?" answer: "I thought you'd get stuck on that."

[flyweightnate]

I was waiting for the ask... easier when my kid is stansing in front of me.

The real reason was to bump this thread. I have a friend who's "easter-egging" Dad jokes into a widely distributed software, and I have him quite a few from this thread.

[Number six]

Do you know when a joke becomes a dad joke?
When it becomes apparent.
Or fully groan.

[scottieb]

I flushed my wooden shoe down the toilet.


Now it's clogged.

[Olsson]

While learning English I was told to never use double negatives. Supposedly it's a no-no.

[scottieb]

I recently was at a magic show. The magician was Mexican. He was doing a disappearing act. He said "Uno! Dos!" And then he vanished without a tres.

[acrewofone]

70% of the earth's surface is covered in water, none of it is carbonated, thus proving the world is flat..

[William the Third]

<annoying pedantic>Actually, there is naturally occurring carbonated/sparkling water. Sure, it doesn't even make up 1% (or even 0.1%, or 0.01%) of the Earth's water, but it does exist.</annoying pedantic>

[acrewofone]

(annoying pedant) Naturally carbonated water comes from underground springs, my post referred to water on the earth's surface, not underground.

[William the Third]

Unfortunately, since this was a comment, I was unaware of the reply. While it is created underground, the naturally occurring carbonated/sparkling water does make its way to the surface, in small amounts, thus making up some infinitesimally small amount of surface water. See Manitou Springs, Selters, Hida-osaka, Lakes Nyos, Monoun, and Kivu, among many other examples.

[acrewofone]

My friend had a stroke yesterday, and his body is dead on the left side. He is all right now..

[Carp]

[scottieb]

Peruvian owls always hunt in pairs.

That is because they are Inca hoots.

[flyweightnate]

What's the difference between a man on a tricycle wearing a suit, and a man on a bicycle wearing jeans?

Attire.

[acrewofone]

A jumper cable walks into a bar, the bartender says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."